


Doctor Dementa and Lesbian Barbie

by damalur



Category: Big Bang Theory
Genre: F/F, Porn Battle
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-02-02
Updated: 2010-02-02
Packaged: 2017-10-06 23:26:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/58884
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/damalur/pseuds/damalur
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes the dimensional walls come down between Leslie-world and Penny-world.  Those are the good days.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Doctor Dementa and Lesbian Barbie

**Author's Note:**

> For [Porn Battle IX](http://oxoniensis.dreamwidth.org/26521.html?thread=2966681#cmt2966681). Oh, this could have been so much _better_. Someone else needs to take up femslash in this fandom.

There is a flaw in the hardcut diamond that is Leslie Winkle's mind. The flaw is very small, very nearly invisible, and unnoticeable unless you are inside looking out. Nevertheless, if the right pressure is applied in the right way, the flaw will fracture. The fracture will crack out like spider-veins, the spider-veins will hit a critical point, and the result will be ten thousand shattered pieces.

The flaw has a name, and the name that the flaw has is Penny. Penny is twenty-six, blonde, taller than Leslie but not by much, drinks too much, thinks too little, and has tits that would make Leslie envious if Leslie were that sort of woman. (Also if Leslie didn't have every opportunity to examine those tits in great detail whenever the mood strikes. Which she does.)

Penny is also the ballsiest person Leslie has ever had the misfortune to meet, which is saying something. Leslie's ballsy herself, being one of three women on a staff of seventy assholes who think they need to mansplain _every goddamn thing_, even though she has the same credentials they do, thanks _so_ much.

The arrangement goes like so: On one plane exists Leslie, and Leslie's life, and Leslie's interests (quantum geometry, spacetime symmetries, food that is instant); on another plane is Penny, and Penny's life, and Penny's interests (acting, tequila, _horoscopes_). When one of them gets horny or bored or whateverthefuck, the wall between their realities comes down and they meet in the middle for a screw.

The first time goes something like this:

"So what, are you auditioning for Dyke Barbie now?"

"Shut up"—hissed between the teeth—"and, and, fuck. Do that _harder_."

Leslie, who is just as smart as Sheldon Cooper in all of the right ways and not half as much a dumbfuck in any of the wrong ones—Leslie quickly determines that women are so much, much easier than men. Not in the derogatory sense, an easy lay, but in the sense that they don't have all the messy baggage men do. Leonard, for instance. Leonard is wholly distracting and seems to want a _relationship_; he assumes that Leslie does, too, simply because nature equipped her with a pair of ovaries.

Penny, the opposite, is perfectly happy to spend a couple of hours a week eating Leslie out and being eaten out in turn, and then go her merry waitress way. She probably still sleeps with men; Leslie doesn't know or want to know. It isn't relevant.

The thirty-third time goes something like this:

"And I'm supposed to be surprised that you flopped another audition?"

"No, but you could at least not go straight for the door when I _don't_ want to. You know."

"Hah. You can't even say it, can you?"

"...Fine. Whatever. Get over here."

(A beat.)

"No, bring the dildo."

Leslie smirks.


End file.
